Hallelujah ...

Yay oh yay .... it's the weekend.

I know I sometimes feel guilty that I protect and guard my weekends like I do.
I fight with the internal dialogue of critical parent and petulant teenager who have opposing views on what, how and when I 'should' be living my life.

As I sit here gleefully almost rubbing my hands in delight at the thought of two whole days of rewarding my self ( for having survived another week!!)  giving self permission to do what I want or need to do is bliss, sheer bliss.

The guilt (thanks oh critical parent) comes from "Oh but that is selfish and you shouldn't admit to that" and of course on the opposite side (thanks oh petulant teenager) comes "So what, I want to do what I want to do"

Neither of course is going to get any more satisfaction from me by allowing them to drown out my 'Adult' self who simply states (I hope they are listening) I have worked my butt off all week, fulfilling every one else's needs or requirements, meeting my obligations diligently and without complaint.

So the fact that my reward is simply alone time and space is not selfish. Instead it is critically important to my well being, on and at every level.

The very fact that probably half my posts on this Blog are related to weekends and celebrating them is actually both a little scary and enlightening!!

Of course if No.1 Daughter calls and needs help ...I'm there without a shadow of a doubt. And I have been 'booked' to babysit No.1 Sons 'Big Black Beast' tonight whilst he's out and about gallivanting & celebrating his weekend. Okay so the housework also gets completed, hmmm what else ??

My point ?

Beginning to sound like I'm justifying self and that is not necessary, no I need not do it, so I will choose to say I am simply reminding my self  of the value I gain by giving my self permission to do something that is for me and me alone!

And that feels damn good thank you very much!!

Oh no....it's over

Okay ...it officially sucks...The Weekend is over...

...it went so quickly that I am still trying to magically hold onto to these last couple of hours before the new week starts, and I know I write a lot about weekends on here...

It's simply that (just as it is for most people) my 'normal' week seems so full attending to what has to be done, needs to be done, and others needs and wants ............that it's taken me over 30 plus years to say that the weekend (actually it's only the Saturday) .....is MINE....

Mine to do as I choose ...

Does that sound selfish ?
Ooh I hope so!!

Holidays and the flu.......

Well on one hand I've had a brilliant weekend.....No.1 son and his (huge, mammoth, large) 4 month old puppy (whom I 'babysit' 5-6 days a week)..have gone away 4WD & camping for the long weekend...and No.1 daughter and her family ( I babysit grand daughter 2-3 days a week) have also gone to do the same thing.....

You know what that meant....bliss...total and utter bliss...lock all the doors, close all the curtains, forget about doing any household jobs, cooking, mediating, negotiating, pacifying,....you name it....I am not home to the world!!

And it's been brilliant...I even chose to do basic household jobs, but because I was choosing to do them it felt good!!

I have been glued to the computer, tweaking and adjusting and reading and researching....oh I have had a wonderful time.....

Just like a teenager again, I've gone to bed when I wanted too, got up when I've chosen too, ................the only thing that has put a dampener on it....actually that's putting it mildly .....is I've actually been forced to take it easy because the day they left was the day I came down with the flu.....aarrgh!!!

No not just a cold..that would be too easy wouldn't it...

I had to come down with the whole kit and caboodle...well it feels like it anyway!!

And no one here to make me a hot drink, feed my old terrier dog, ......you know how it goes....

Boo hoo...who am I kidding...I must be delusional with fever to think I'd be looked after anyway by No.1 son....Ah well thank heavens for small mercies....I'm not looking after him !!

Counting down....

I can't help it I'm getting excited....just one more day and then it's the start of the weekend and it's another long weekend....yay!!!

Checklist:

• A Sleep In
• Starting a new series of graphite drawings
• Reading favourite blogs and web sites
• Did I mention a sleep in?
• Gardening
• I hope it rains with thunder and lightening 
• Some Rest and Relaxation             
• Filing notes and research away
• And I want to stay in my pj's for 1/2 a day and pretend I'm not home!
• Oh and have a sleep in...with no puppies and 3year olds in my head!

I am sooo excited!!!

Well if you've read the previous posts you will know I have already been up for over 3 hours this morning and despite the fact I have only just realised it's actually quite chilly here (therefore change out of summer t-shirt), I am thrilled to announce it is raining!!! Yay!!

Why am I so pleased...because I really need to work on the garden, pruning, weeding etc ...a task I normally enjoy and use as a reward!!....however I really want to do some other things today (like catching up on blogs and information searches)...and the fact that it is raining means not only can I grab another cup of coffee and continue here at the computer, but I get to legitimately procrastinate ...........YAY!!

Simple Pleasures!

Yay...it's the start of the weekend...and I was sooo looking forward to sleeping in.... and here it is 5am on a Saturday morning and I'm wide awake.....!!!
(this is so typical of the contrariness of my nature!!!)

After promising myself  that as a 'reward' for both surviving and working hard this past week I will give my self permission to sleep in (without feeling guilty!) this weekend.....and what happens...durrh!!!

During this past week I've forced my self to get up by 6am...and it's true I feel great that those first few hours of the day I am able to get sooo much done, however by the afternoon....all I crave is sleep....I get to the point where I'm nodding off whilst sitting upright!!!....and so I have a 'nana nap'....and even with that I'm still so tired by early evening that I think okay so go to sleep, relax and enjoy......

And then I 'wake up'...around 9pm...and go into work mode...and wow just like that it's suddenly 1 or 2 in the morning (or even later).....

No point in fighting it ....that's my pattern and has been for as long as I can remember...I'm both a morning and a late at night person....afternoons, well just forget it!!!

So here I am feeling wide awake and instead of feeling frustrated at not sleeping in I actually feel quite empowered with a delicious sense of freedom....!!

You've got the Love...

I love that statement..You've got the love it's both ambiguous and clear at the same time!

I also love that there is still one more day of the weekend to go...I can say that because it's still Saturday, but once it gets to Sunday...oh no..all of a sudden the weekend seems gone and you know it'll be the start of a new week again...
I like 'hiding from the world' on the weekend, I try to pretend I have gone away on a secret retreat...of course that's a fantasy because there are still the day to day jobs to be done or caught up with etc etc. but I still like to pretend that I'm almost invisible from the world and hide away in my room as much as possible...(It's easier for me because I don't have a partner or little children anymore...)..yes, the dog looks at me strangely and my son just thinks I'm giving him space...(it's better to let him think that ...even though it's me wanting the space!!)

That's one of the joys of getting older...you can act a little bit strange and everyone just nods their head knowingly...