Push / pull 'syndrome' ~

Currently 'trying' not to go into overload with the massive amount of work I'm trying to get done at this time.
Like so many of us, there is the constant push/pull that goes on within us. Attempting to multi task whilst still maintaining a standard of quality in all that we do is never easy.

Unfortunately I have also been unwell for the past couple of weeks, unable to shake off a 'cold/ flu bug' and that hasn't made life easier!!

I have vowed to get on top of my emails and Google reader articles/posts over the next two days. I could have sworn I attended to them earlier this week . . . aargh!! The lists grows longer by the minute!!

Self discipline has never been my strongest asset, I always have the greatest  intentions, however trying to do all I think I can do, would require me to be extremely methodical, ambidextrous, and capable of going without sleep for 24/7.

Yeah well that aint' gonna' happen! So like everyone, I'm just going to do the best I can with the resources and tools I have!!!
(This doesn't mean I don't feel frustrated though !!)

And as it is currently after midnight here I will bid you all adieu !!

Hallelujah ...

Yay oh yay .... it's the weekend.

I know I sometimes feel guilty that I protect and guard my weekends like I do.
I fight with the internal dialogue of critical parent and petulant teenager who have opposing views on what, how and when I 'should' be living my life.

As I sit here gleefully almost rubbing my hands in delight at the thought of two whole days of rewarding my self ( for having survived another week!!)  giving self permission to do what I want or need to do is bliss, sheer bliss.

The guilt (thanks oh critical parent) comes from "Oh but that is selfish and you shouldn't admit to that" and of course on the opposite side (thanks oh petulant teenager) comes "So what, I want to do what I want to do"

Neither of course is going to get any more satisfaction from me by allowing them to drown out my 'Adult' self who simply states (I hope they are listening) I have worked my butt off all week, fulfilling every one else's needs or requirements, meeting my obligations diligently and without complaint.

So the fact that my reward is simply alone time and space is not selfish. Instead it is critically important to my well being, on and at every level.

The very fact that probably half my posts on this Blog are related to weekends and celebrating them is actually both a little scary and enlightening!!

Of course if No.1 Daughter calls and needs help ...I'm there without a shadow of a doubt. And I have been 'booked' to babysit No.1 Sons 'Big Black Beast' tonight whilst he's out and about gallivanting & celebrating his weekend. Okay so the housework also gets completed, hmmm what else ??

My point ?

Beginning to sound like I'm justifying self and that is not necessary, no I need not do it, so I will choose to say I am simply reminding my self  of the value I gain by giving my self permission to do something that is for me and me alone!

And that feels damn good thank you very much!!

The week that was....

Okay well considering how far behind I feel at this point in the year; I am naturally just delighted that it is the last day in July.... aargh!!

However I'm not being negative, just realistic. Spurred on by this recent discovery ( !! ) that I am so far behind already this year; I've decided panic is not an option!!

I am so over beating myself up for not doing and being all that I had hoped and wanted.

So I'm making a 'new' resolution. And no, it's not about limiting my expectations of my self, but rather to acknowledge what I have achieved, to respect and honour not only myself, but the journey I am on. One baby step after another.

I am who I am, no more and no less.

This past week I have achieved the majority of tasks I set my self. Probably the biggest decision I made was to change internet/broadband plans from the 12GB to 50GB for the same price!!!  Now that was a fabulous achievement due to many, many hours spent researching and learning what questions to ask, what was available, etc. etc.

And I've got to tell you, the relief I felt when the decision was made (out of multiple choices) and acted on, was tangible. It felt like 30kgs was lifted off my shoulders immediately!

One more baby step, setting some personal boundaries which have required me to detach a little more emotionally from a particular situation around me. Pro-active yes, difficult to do .. yes, but necessary.

And so it is.

Ah the sweet joys of 'holidaying'...

One could almost say I've been on holidays.
Almost.
I've taken a leave of absence (don't you think that's a delightful way of putting it ??) from writing on my blogs
and attending to all the social media platforms.
Actually it 's been enforced really, not by choice actually.
Lets see.
There were the weeks I had the flu.
Then there was the 'little' situation regarding no internet because we'd used all our monthly allowance in less than three weeks.
And of course I got the blame for that !!
Oh and then there was the.... hmm do I start packing to find somewhere else to live or am I staying here tiny stressful dilemma...

Oh yes it's been a delightful time

Do I or don't I.....

photo credit: the_franz

Nourish the spirit...

Thinking is easy. Acting is difficult and to put one's thoughts into action, the most difficult thing in the
world. - Goethe

Some people dream of great accomplishments, while others stay awake and do them. - Anonymous

The use of traveling is to regulate the imagination by reality, and, instead of thinking how things may be,
to see them as they are. - Samuel Johnson


I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream. - Vincent Van Gogh -